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What is soft swap in the lifestyle? By your Lifeinstyle Hosts

Updated: May 15, 2023

image of a couple holding each other that reads 'is it for me what is it? Soft swap

As your Lifeinstyle hosts, we are always happy to answer your questions and to help you feel welcome and informed.

An event guest recently asked us to explain the meaning of soft swap. We tried to give them the best definition according to our experience and most importantly let them know that every couple can have their own twist for it. The best way to know how a couple plays is simply to ask them directly.


Navigating a new lifestyle can be fun and exciting. Get ready to meet other couples just like you while exploring fantasies together!

If you and your partner just started the swinger lifestyle you could be hearing about unicorns, bluefish, hotwives and more lingo that could be intimidating for a first timer.

So, let’s get started!

image of a image of a couple holding each other that reads 'lifestyle lingo unicorns? hotwife? blue fish? soft swap lifeinstylecouple holding each other that reads 'lifestyle lingo unicorns? hotwife? blue fish? soft swap lifeinstyle


"Soft swap" is a term used in the swinging lifestyle and open relationship communities to describe a type of sexual interaction between couples that involves “some level of intimacy” but without full penetration intercourse.

The activities allowed during a soft swap encounter are the following:

  • Kissing

  • Oral sex

  • Masturbation

  • Light touch

From our experience in the swinger lifestyle, we have noticed that the boundaries in any type of encounter can greatly vary from couple to couple. We recommend that you and your potential playmates are aware of any boundaries or rules. This creates understanding and provides a relaxed environment in which is easy to know how to proceed.

A good rule of thumb: Ask the straightforward question, "How do you, as a couple, play?"

image of a couple holding each other that reads 'if in doubt always ask'
if in doubt always ask

Knowing and understanding the expectations before play will help to elevate the pleasure for all involved. Misunderstandings can lead to awkward moments, possible resentment from your playmates and a very short-lived lifestyle experience.

Soft swap is a great way for you to explore and engage in consensual non-monogamy without fully moving beyond your already established boundaries and rules.

Mutually agreed upon boundaries can help build trust for couples, while still enjoying sexual exploration with others.

Before you start this amazing and fun lifestyle journey it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about the wants, needs and expectations. This will help to ensure that everyone is comfortable and consenting.

The lifestyle can offer a different and exciting point of view with like-minded couples looking for fun!

Have you ever had a soft swap experience? We want to hear from you. Write about it in the comments!

Are you a Lifeinstyle member already? You are not? Join us and meet other couples at our swinger friendly events! Download the app! Login with your email and password to chat with other verified members. Not a member? Apply for an account now!

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Mar 04, 2023

What do you think about these blogs? Are they helpful? Leave your comment 😃

G & S
G & S
Mar 19
Replying to

Yes, I like the blogs. They're very informative.

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